Mixed Feelings About Getting My Stolen Car Back
For those that don’t know my car was stolen on a Saturday night/Sunday morning around 4:00am almost three weeks ago. I will tell the whole story one day soon when I am at a better place to tell it because this is happening more and more lately and I do think people need to learn from my experience. It is just hard at the moment to go all the way through it when I am still dealing with the aftermath this situation has created. So for now skip forward to today. Today I had to go pick up my car from the dealership where it had been getting rekeyed and detailed. I knew the day I had to pick up my car was going to be hard but I was wishful thinking that maybe after it was cleaned up I could trick my brain into not thinking about what happened or the things I lost. Well unfortunately my worries were completely correct it was completely overwhelming. To an outsider my car looks brand new again completely detailed as if they were selling it on their lot but to me the trauma of that weekend and the things I lost come rushing back to me every time I set my eyes on it much less try to sit in it to drive. I warned Michael that I did not think I would be able to drive it ever again and today I realized that for 100% certainty, I can not. I looked in the car and yes it looks cleaner then it ever has since I bought it but as I started to drive the car off the lot immediately my mind started to spiral into so many negative places and I was immediately emotionally overwhelmed. I had to pull over and let Michael drive it home. Touching everything thinking of the person who stole it sitting in the driver seat without a care in the world for any of my things, stomping on my pictures that they threw in the floor from my visor and my glove compartment. The sparkly clean interior just makes me feel the emptiness, reminding me of all my stuff they had thrown out by a dumpster. Their phone was connected to the bluetooth and those feelings of being completely violated came rushing back again the same way it did when it first happened. I can’t remember who said it to me but they said, it’s as if someone has been snooping through your panty drawer. Your car is your intimate space where you have pieces of you all through out your car. And I had very sentimental items in there as well as my every day things. I now know why people say you don’t want your car back if it gets stolen. And I knew that when we were actively looking for it but I also had hope that there was a small chance we could catch them before they threw my stuff out and I could possibly get that stuff back. It saddens me that I did not get any of my sentimental things back and I have spent weeks beating myself up over the things I lost but as my sister reminded me the loss of the material things does not take those memories of past loved ones away, and does not take the milestones away from our past, nor take away the milestones/memories that will be made in the future. I hold on to those things inside of me and no one can take that away from me. It sounds so simple until you are actually the one in the situation. The pain and torment as much as you try to convince yourself that stuff is just stuff is still very real emotionally and takes time to get over. And it is hard not to blame yourself for accidentally leaving your key in your car while unloading from a long day of having a funeral for a dear friend. And again like my sister had to remind me leaving my key in my car was not a mistake I made and not meant to blame myself. She said, “You didn’t make a ‘mistake’. That was your car on your property... but these individuals tried to seek out an opportunity to capitalize on your behalf. It does not give it clarity or an excuse for happening but blaming ourselves for life’s shit moments only gives us more shit moments.” Truer words could not be spoken and I have to remember that every time I have a low moment to pick myself back up.
The ironic thing is I could care less about the car or my laptop which are the items that people want to steal. Yes it hurts to have those things stolen but I knew that at the end of the day insurance would recover what they could and I would deal with the rest. I can always work my ass off to make more money to buy those things again and those can be replaced. It was the sentimental things that can not be replaced that hit me in the gut and knocked me to my knees that I would literally fight to the bitter end to get back.
Among some of those sentimental things that were in my car were from my grandfather who was like a 2nd dad to me who passed away in the shitty year that was 2020. I am the type of person that gets attached to a tshirt that I’ve seen my grandfather wear a million times. I can look at that shirt and immediately see him in my mind wearing it like a movie playing. I get so attached to things that aren’t worth anything to others but are worth everything to me. It is weird but it brings me comfort. Like I might not be able to hug them again but wearing their shirt, or jacket, or sweatshirt makes me feel just an ounce closer to them when they are so far away. I think it is why I take so much pride in doing what I do with Dixie Love Tshirt Company that started as a way to honor my grandmother Dixie. I make shirts, which makes memories, which leaves mementos for us to leave behind for our loved ones that makes us feel even if for a brief moment that they are with us.
Another sentimental thing in my car were a couple of Michael's childhood things his mom had slowly been giving us a couple things as they cleaned out a shed. He doesn't have many things because when you have to share with two brothers you know it's harder to save those things. I can't even imagine with triplets. But while both of us were at fault for not getting those things out of my car I couldn't help but feel like I was to blame because they were in my car. And one thing I do not like doing is EVER letting Michael down. It cuts me to my core. I was literally riding around with the intention to find my car parked somewhere smash the back window in and steal the clothes in the backseat and leave my car for them to have. Obviously this was not a smart idea but it was an idea that I was replaying in my mind over and over. I would have done anything in that moment to not only bring back Michael's irreplaceable things but also my Pawpaw's things. Talk about a double whammy of emotions.
But I am forever grateful to so many people who offered their help. I watched my wonderful neighbors rally to help in any way they could, my parents and my husband do anything and everything they could to help me look for my car or things thrown out on the side of the road, to all of you who posted or shared my stolen car post in hopes of finding my sentimental things, to my family and friends constantly checking on me, to my sister who has been my therapist the whole way through and wrote the first initial post for me because I could not comprehend what had happened much less put words to it, to the nice man who called me when he found my passport and checkbooks by a dumpster, to the police who recovered my car, to the Uconnect service who tracked my car (story to be told at another time…I could do a commercial for them on how amazing they were), to ABC towing for helping me clean out the stuff in my car the guy left behind that had stolen it before he ran, there are probably others I’m forgetting but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I’ve never seen so many people willing to help find my sentimental things that mean nothing to them but everything to me. I am so grateful to all of you who cared to help with tips, advice, information from other robberies that night, prayers, vibes, and overall support I received. It means more to me then I can say. All this to say I came to the conclusion today that I am definitely selling my car. I can not drive it without being emotionally triggered every time I get in it or even look at it. It was and still is a great car and the last car that my Pawpaw helped negotiate a great deal for me like he does all his children and grandchildren but it is time for it to have a new life with someone else and give them a good, reliable, safe car to make memories in. Please continue to send all the love, peaceful vibes, and prayers our way as we wrap up this "shit moment" as my sister would say. 😂 I say all this not to dwell on what happened but to hopefully help someone who may be going through something similar. We are all in this together and we can learn through each others experiences. I love y'all!
With all the peace and love,